Chris Crucial: You are not serious people 🤡

PLUS: Cannibalism!

Welcome to Chris Crucial. This nightly newsletter — in which I summarize all the political news you need to know from the day that was — is for paid subscribers only. Not one yet? Today is your day! Join us! It’s just $7 a month or $70 for the year! Or become a founding member!

1. Unserious: Speaker Mike Johnson is in the midst of a fight for his political life.

Why? Because he’s trying to pass a series of bills that would provide funding for U.S. allies abroad — most notably in Ukraine and Israel.

That move has angered the Trump wing of the Republican party, who insists that any and all money being spent on foreign aid should instead be devoted to addressing the situation at our southern border.

Which, of course, would never pass the Democratic-controlled Senate or be signed into law by President Joe Biden, who, last time I checked, is a Democrat.

Johnson has made this point — again and again — to his detractors and anyone else who will listen. Here he is talking to CNN’s Jake Tapper on Wednesday:

The Republicans run the House. We have the smallest majority in the House. The Democrats are in charge of the Senate and the White House. So, by definition, we won’t get everything we want.

Which, well, yes. The nature of working in divided government is that you have to compromise. It’s built into the system. On purpose.

The problem for Johnson is that he is dealing with fundamentally unserious people. And by that I mean the performative politics caucus led by Georgia Republican Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Here’s just a sampling of what MTG has said about Johnson in just the last 24 hours:

• “He's turned into a mini-tyrant.”

• “I don't care if the Speaker’s office becomes a revolving door”

• “He’s using backroom deals with Democrats to change the rules of Congress to continue clinging onto his power while passing Joe Biden and Chuck Schumer’s wishlist.”

Like, say what you will about Johnson but it’s very hard for me to believe that he is a “mini tyrant” or someone who is actively doing the bidding of Joe Biden.

Then there’s this: On the House floor on Thursday, Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz and Wisconsin Rep. Derrick Van Orden got into a verbal altercation in which Van Orden referred to Gaetz as “tubby.”

Gaetz later responded that Van Orden was “unhinged” and “not particularly intelligent.”

And this is all happening, I remind you, as Johnson is desperately trying to find a way to pass billions of dollars in aid to help longtime U.S. allies. Who are fighting wars. Right now.