Doing new things is really, really hard

A new challenge -- and the anxiety it causes

(A classroom)

Over the summer, Syracuse University approached me about an interesting opportunity: They had a political journalism class — based in DC — that needed a teacher.

It’s probably worth noting here that I have never taught journalism (or anything else) before.

But, I am at a moment in my life where I am trying to say “yes” to almost everything —as I try to figure out what the future holds for me (in journalism or not).

So, I said yes.

And to be honest, I’ve doubted that decision every day since I made it.

Here’s the problem: The course has very few strict rules. It is up to the professor to craft a syllabus, figure out a grading system and, generally, run the class.

For someone like me — rule following, prone to anxiety — this is a hard thing to come to be cool with.

What I want more than anything is for the kids in the class to get something out of it. I live in (daily) fear that I am going to let them down or not teach them the right stuff.

(Is this something that teachers always grapple with? Or is it just me? I genuinely don’t know.)

But I am pushing ahead regardless — despite my worries — because I see parallels between this teaching job and my broader life.

I am in uncharted territory. I have been a journalist at mainstream media outlets for the VAST majority of my professional life. I have defined myself by those roles.

But, that’s no longer operative. The rules and guardrails that defined my life for the better part of two decades are off. I can be — with the exception of a doctor or a lawyer — almost anything I want to be. Or at least I can try!

Which is utterly terrifying.

The comparison I keep thinking of is in my freshman year of college when we got the Internet in our dorm. (It wasn’t in rooms yet; we had to go to the fourth floor to access the web.)

We would sign on — for you kids, it sounded like this — and get to a search page. (This was pre Google. I think it was Netscape — if memory serves.)

And then our fingers would hover above the keyboard. The entire world of information was right there. And faced with that infinite amount of content, we were paralyzed. We — or at least I — couldn’t think of a damn thing to search for.

That’s me — at least so far — in thinking about what (and how) I want to teach the kids about political journalism. Like, there’s SO much but where the heck do you start? How do you convey the depth and breadth of this world that I have lived in for 25 years to kids just starting out?

It’s also me when it comes thinking about what’s next in my life. The truth is that writing this Substack every day is a lot like what I did in my job for the past decade or so. Read a bunch of political coverage. Try to think critically about it. Craft a piece in which I — hopefully — add something to the conversation.

The question before me is whether that is how I want to spend my future days. Do I want to keep doing what I am doing or is what happened with CNN the universe trying to send me a message that it’s time to take on new challenges?

I don’t know the answer yet, if I am being honest. And sometimes, when I spend too much time thinking on it, I start to get panicky. What if no other opportunities come along? What if I am not good at anything else? What if this next thing doesn’t make me happy?

The anxiety and worry I have about teaching this class then is a microcosm of the broader concerns I have about the direction my life will take.

No one tells you (or no one told me) that you might reach a point in life where there was no guidebook on how to do it, no rules that if you followed you would succeed.

And while that sounds like pure freedom (and bliss) to some people for me, candidly, it’s scary. I want to do a good job — for these kids and in my life. And I am still figuring out — as I go — how to make that happen.

But, to return back to where I started: I am in “yes” mode these days. Does saying yes cause me anxiety? You bet. Do I hope like hell it will force me to grow in ways I am not entirely comfortable with or confident in right now? Also, yes.

Thanks for listening. And if you have ideas on how best to teach political journalism to college kids, send me your ideas and tips. I would genuinely welcome them.