The 30 wackiest lines from Donald Trump's press conference

Whoa boy.

Following his defeat Monday in an attempt to delay his April 15 trial for paying hush money to a former porn star, Donald Trump held a press conference to address his many legal and political battles.

Because I believe it is critically important to document what Trump says — because it’s the best indicator of what he will do if elected president again — I went through the transcript of the press conference and pulled out the lines you need to see. They’re below.

A quick note before I get to it: These posts are extremely labor-intensive. So, they are behind the paywall. Here’s the good news: You can get ALL of my work for just $5 a month or $50 a year (or $240 to become a founding member!). That price is going up on April 1 — so act now to lock in the lowest price for the lifetime of your subscription!

To the lines!

1. “This is all Biden-run things, meaning Biden and his thugs, because I don't know if he knows he's alive.”

So, Joe Biden is behind all of this. Also, he may not be alive. And away we go!

2. “We've never had anything like it, certainly not at this level. But we've really had nothing like that I've been able to find.”

This presumes that Trump has done a significant amount of research into corruption within various governments around the world throughout history. Which, um, he hasn’t.

3. “If you look at what we just left, you had a - you have a case which they're dying to get this thing started. The judge cannot go fast enough.”

Well, the hush money allegations come from the 2016 election, which was almost 8 years ago. And the 34 counts of falsifying business records were filed against Trump by Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg almost a year ago. So not exactly lightning quick.

4. “He can't win because of Russia, Russia, Russia, because of all the problems, because of Ukraine being attacked by Russia.”

Wait, so Joe Biden can’t win in 2024 because Russia invaded Ukraine? Really?

5. “So, all of these things, so what they do is they do election interference, which is court cases and let's try and tie him up and let's take as much of his money as possible.”

Make NO mistake: If Trump loses in November, he will not concede — and he will insist that the various indictments against him were a) the product of a weaponized justice system and b) the reason he lost.