The 34 strangest lines from Donald Trump's 'Gutfeld!' interview
Whoa boy.
Donald Trump took a break from his regular appearances on Sean Hannity’s love fest primetime show on Wednesday night. But he didn’t stray far! The former president sat for an interview with another conservative personality in the Fox News stable: Greg Gutfeld.
Gutfeld has built a reputation as Fox’s resident comedian — freaking out all the woke squares with his biting and incisive comedy stylings. Or something.
I got the transcript of Trump’s appearance on “Gutfeld!” — which is the name of, uh, Gutfeld’s show — and went through it line by line. The stuff you need to see is below
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To the Lines!
“I always said, golf is a very dangerous game.”
Get it? Because Trump was golfing this past weekend when the Secret Service shot at a guy who was putting a gun through the fence a few holes ahead of Trump? HA HA HA. And away we go!
“And we've been going through a lot of it. We're getting very good at it. But, I don't want to say that too loudly, because we don't want to -- we don't want to bring any jinxes along.”
It appears as though Trump is saying that “we” are “getting very good” at dealing with assassination attempts against him? I think?
“And it was really great work, again, by Secret Service, and a woman who saw somebody running, and running for the car, because he was caught and the Secret Service agent started shooting at him, didn't do any talking, said, just that's a barrel of a gun, started shooting, which was amazing. Then he saw it, and then, he started shooting. And so this man is running to the car, and a woman is woman, of course, woman is always a woman, right?”
“A woman is woman, of course, woman is always a woman, right?”
“I was thinking a lot about it over the last period of time since Butler, and being President is a very dangerous job, because with a race car driver, that's a dangerous job. It's like one-tenth of 1 percent die with a bull rider. I think bull riding looks pretty scary, right?”
I did NOT think this sentence would take the turn it did.
“It's a little bit more than that die, and with a President, what is it? 6 percent or 7 percent? It's the most dangerous profession there is.”
Forty five people have been president. Four — Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, William McKinley and James Garfield — have been assassinated while in office. That’s 8%. #math
“But, here's the only good thing is that it's always a consequential President that gets shot at.”
So, only “consequential” presidents get assassinated? Or are the subject of assassination attempts? Got it!
“And fortunately, so far, I've been very lucky, or something is greater than all of us. Something is up there. Someone is up there, maybe watching over us.”
“When I drink my little wine — which is about the only wine I drink — and have my little cracker, I guess that is a form of asking for forgiveness, and I do that as often as possible because I feel cleansed.” — Donald Trump on, er, religious belief
“Not -- yeah, not about mortality, but I do think more about God, because, OK, Butler was really the greatest of all miracle.”
I mean, I would argue Jesus bringing Lazarus back from the dead is, like, a pretty solid miracle….
“So, I said, bring down the chart, and the chart drops down, and I go, look at those numbers, and I look over to the right, I ping, and that was not -- I knew something was definitely wrong, and it was a mess, I touched, I said, that's unusual.”
This is Trump recounting when he was struck in the ear by a bullet in Pennsylvania, What a wordsmith! I feel like I am right there!
“Look at the debate. I walked off, I said, that's the [debate], you know, they said, I'm the goat in debates, because I had a lot of debates and I became President, and the GOAT means greatest of all times. He's a GOAT, but what a great said.”
“And the GOAT means greatest of all times.” Incredible stuff. No notes.
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