You are the worst!

On criticism.

The response was swift to my piece yesterday on why Joe Biden doesn’t (and should!) talk to the media more.

“Why do you relish discussing Biden's age so much,” read one comment. “Don't you want to get old and still be useful to the society like Biden is now? I do and I don’t mean to be personal here. But why are you so OBSESSED with Biden’s age, Chris?”

The conversation about the piece on social media was, um, even more direct.

“Wow you have no integrity,” said one person.

“You’re still around? Yuck,” read another.

And then there was this one: “Failed journalist sez what?”

There were (plenty) more but you get the idea!

It got me to thinking about something I hadn’t thought about in quite a while: Criticism — and how it affected (and affects) me.

My history with being told I a) suck b) am an idiot or c) both goes back a long way.

When I first started “The Fix,” a blog at the Washington Post, I was VERY focused on building a community of like-minded online political addicts. I worked to empower readers with call-outs. Sought to elevate thoughtful comments. All the best practices to create an online community.

It didn’t work. No matter what we tried, the dialogue always turned nasty — and often nasty about me, personally.

As I wrote about comments way back in 2016:

No matter what the original post was about, a handful of the loudest — or most committed — voices in the room hijacked the comments thread to push their own agendas. Anyone trying to urge the conversation back to the topic at hand — or even something approximating the topic at hand — was shouted down and shamed.

It was the opposite of the community I was trying to build. Instead of providing a place where political junkies could trade thoughts, ideas and jokes about the political scene, the Fix comments section turned into a town in which the loudest and most obnoxious guy appoints himself mayor.

Then, the next year, I went to CNN. And things got worse. Much worse.

CNN, by dint of its massive national and international brand, will always be a lightning rod for criticism. But, I came to CNN at a unique time — the start of Donald Trump’s presidency. And, it’s hard to even describe how ugly it was.

CNN doesn’t allow comments on its stories. But, this was the heyday of Twitter — and I was addicted to the site. And, man, it was bad.

On a near-daily basis, someone told me I should shoot myself in the head. Or told me that my kids should be embarrassed of me. Or that I should be fired — immediately. (Ha!)

My response was always to joke about the criticism. I would reply to critics with a “Thanks for reading!” or “I love my fans!” And I would tell myself that I was immune to the nastiness. That I had grown a thick skin. That it didn’t bother me.

And I believed it! Or told myself I did at least.

But, it took a deep psychological toll on me. I was out of sorts — a lot — with my family because I was under assault online for something or other I had written. I was wary about writing about certain subjects because I knew it would bring out the online horde. I felt bad about myself — a lot.

Because the truth of the matter — at least for me — was that I couldn’t just ignore the criticism. (I know some people can do this — and I am jealous of them!) It seeped into my consciousness almost by osmosis. At times, I lost sight of what made my life good (wife, kids etc.) and focused maniacally on the various criticisms of me that were kicking around online at any given moment.

Before I go any further, a word on criticism generally: I am NOT against it. I am, at some level, still a public figure. I get paid to offer my thoughts about the world. Sometimes I am wrong. Or I make a mistake. Disagreeing with me isn’t some sort of corrosive thing. It can be healthy. It is your right.

(Sidebar: As a straight white male, I am also VERY aware that others have it far, far worse than me.)

But, where I draw the line is when it veers into the personal. Because, whether I am succeeding at it or not, I am doing my best to understand the political goings-on. And analyzing what is happening and why as fairly and independently as I can. I am human — and fail. But it is not a) malicious or b) for lack of effort.

It’s been (almost) a year now since I left CNN. My profile is much lower than it was when I was on TV every day. Which is hard at times but has the benefit of scaling WAY back social media criticism. Commenters on Substack are, generally speaking, much, much nicer — and willing to give you the benefit of the doubt even if they disagree with something you write.

But it’s only now that I am realizing how much of my professional life — particularly in the last 5 years or so — I spent in a defensive crouch. Which is no way to live.

It took me getting laid off from CNN to get the space I needed to feel and understand that. To really appreciate the long-term negative effects of being forever under assault. And doubting yourself every day.

The last year has been replenishing in that regard. Building a community — again — has reminded me of all the things I loved about doing it in the first place. Writing about politics (and other stuff!) on a daily basis has kept me sane and stable through what has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced.

And so, when that criticism came yesterday, I was surprised at my reaction. I actually took it in stride. Didn’t let it ruin my day. Went and watched my son at baseball practice. Read a book. And got up today excited to write more.

So, progress.