Chris, you are a fantastic dad and person...no order intended! Your life lessons you share here are equally important to all you right for this reader. I look forward every day to your posts!!!!
Beautiful, Chris. Your sense of humor and sharing of your gut-hard times when it’s your own heart on the field, or wherever our children are, encourages us and builds a sense of community.
The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.
Now, the second sentence is a real downer... at first! but in reality, it reminds us to go with the flow. I am having my own opportunity to go with the flow. It literally feels as if this opportunity is being shoved down my throat, i am sure to break. I keep reminding myself that this is a chance for me to see a different way to act in the world, maybe i will like this better... in any event, change, it is a 'comin!
Our failures are what lead to our successes. Nobody ever learned a damn thing from success other than they liked it and "more, please." Failure is the teacher. Failure sends one back to the drawing board to review the plans and revise where necessary. Being a "snowplow parent" should be listed as a form of child abuse. I'm as knowledgeable and successful as I am because of my multiplicity of failures.
Great reminder regarding perspective, Chris. Just because it's a cliche, doesn't make it wrong: We learn more from our mistakes than our successes. Our mistakes often cause us to focus on what went wrong, and we (usually) never make that mistake again. The metaphor (and reality) is all around us. I broke my ankle in 3 places (oof!) 26 years ago (a quarter of a century ago! Time flies!). As my surgeon concluded my final follow up appointment he remarked "well, you'll never break a bone there ever again. When a bone heals, the healed fracture is always stronger that it was before the break." Interesting. By the way, I started the first Louise Penny book in the Three Pines series. Had never heard of it before you referred to it. I only started last night, part way into Chapter 2, but I'm enjoying it so far, the character and context development.
Good luck to your kids! I hope they make the team(s). ( as a parent of two sports playing kids, I feel your angst). The flip-side...if they don't make the team you will get more sleep and burn less gas.
Love this. Our cracks are part of our beauty. Our perfect imperfections.
Side note: You ever hear an athlete say, “I get knocked down seven times, I get back up eight”? I’ve always wondered how you get up more times than you get knocked down.
Amen. If they make the team, wonderful. If they don't they now have the time to try something new and possibly create a new passion. You will be by their side supporting them. Just know in your heart, it is ok to fail. Give them a safe place to fail, from out of that comes resilience and imagination to try it a new or different way.
I strongly agree about the moral and about Penny. My wife & I have started with her first one, "Still Life," reading aloud to each other. Aloud you get much more of the richness and insights. I appreciate having heard about her FW
Yes. To all of that. Armand Gamache, through the pen of Ms Penny, is a wise man. While my daughter was growing up, she was in music. All kinds of vocal groups. Competition was fierce for the plum parts. I had to remind myself many times to be supportive but not get in the way. Really hard for parents to stay in the background during try-outs. Even though she didn't always get the plum parts, she turned out great! Defeat is a good teacher. Thanks Chris!
My kids went to a camp where there was plenty of sports but no competition. The players were rotated to different sides, no one kept score. Everyone played.
I have friends who think that didn’t prepare my kids for the real world and they were totally opposed to this. What’s the point of playing if you don’t keep score? Now their kids were always pushed to be competitive and they became very skilled. They also had tantrums when they got beaten in a game. I remember a game of Uno that ruined an otherwise fun evening when one of the competitive kids lost. They couldn’t take it.
More people are not the winners and do not make the team. I think they are just as special as the winners. Less score keeping and comparing each other according to arbitrary constructs the better.
Should I really worry that my kids compared my income to that of another parent?
Well said! To share a quote from Confucius: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
YES! It's not how many times you get knocked down. It's how many times you get up!
Chris, you are a fantastic dad and person...no order intended! Your life lessons you share here are equally important to all you right for this reader. I look forward every day to your posts!!!!
Beautiful, Chris. Your sense of humor and sharing of your gut-hard times when it’s your own heart on the field, or wherever our children are, encourages us and builds a sense of community.
Along with learning to be kind, one of life’s important lessons.
Amen!
Wow....great article today...just wow!
Chris
well said! i love this from Hemingway:
The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.
Now, the second sentence is a real downer... at first! but in reality, it reminds us to go with the flow. I am having my own opportunity to go with the flow. It literally feels as if this opportunity is being shoved down my throat, i am sure to break. I keep reminding myself that this is a chance for me to see a different way to act in the world, maybe i will like this better... in any event, change, it is a 'comin!
Good luck to your children (and to you )
ang
Our failures are what lead to our successes. Nobody ever learned a damn thing from success other than they liked it and "more, please." Failure is the teacher. Failure sends one back to the drawing board to review the plans and revise where necessary. Being a "snowplow parent" should be listed as a form of child abuse. I'm as knowledgeable and successful as I am because of my multiplicity of failures.
Great reminder regarding perspective, Chris. Just because it's a cliche, doesn't make it wrong: We learn more from our mistakes than our successes. Our mistakes often cause us to focus on what went wrong, and we (usually) never make that mistake again. The metaphor (and reality) is all around us. I broke my ankle in 3 places (oof!) 26 years ago (a quarter of a century ago! Time flies!). As my surgeon concluded my final follow up appointment he remarked "well, you'll never break a bone there ever again. When a bone heals, the healed fracture is always stronger that it was before the break." Interesting. By the way, I started the first Louise Penny book in the Three Pines series. Had never heard of it before you referred to it. I only started last night, part way into Chapter 2, but I'm enjoying it so far, the character and context development.
It only gets better. And thank for sharing your story!
Good luck to your kids! I hope they make the team(s). ( as a parent of two sports playing kids, I feel your angst). The flip-side...if they don't make the team you will get more sleep and burn less gas.
Love this. Our cracks are part of our beauty. Our perfect imperfections.
Side note: You ever hear an athlete say, “I get knocked down seven times, I get back up eight”? I’ve always wondered how you get up more times than you get knocked down.
Appreciate you and your work. Onward!
Amen. If they make the team, wonderful. If they don't they now have the time to try something new and possibly create a new passion. You will be by their side supporting them. Just know in your heart, it is ok to fail. Give them a safe place to fail, from out of that comes resilience and imagination to try it a new or different way.
Through failure, we learn from our mistakes and we get better and better at what we are trying to accomplish.--Steve Jobs https://benjweinberg.medium.com/steve-jobs-on-failure-1ee60090c96b
YES!
I strongly agree about the moral and about Penny. My wife & I have started with her first one, "Still Life," reading aloud to each other. Aloud you get much more of the richness and insights. I appreciate having heard about her FW
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Your essay today brings to mind the refrain from Leonard Cohen's "Anthem".
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
Yes. To all of that. Armand Gamache, through the pen of Ms Penny, is a wise man. While my daughter was growing up, she was in music. All kinds of vocal groups. Competition was fierce for the plum parts. I had to remind myself many times to be supportive but not get in the way. Really hard for parents to stay in the background during try-outs. Even though she didn't always get the plum parts, she turned out great! Defeat is a good teacher. Thanks Chris!
My kids went to a camp where there was plenty of sports but no competition. The players were rotated to different sides, no one kept score. Everyone played.
I have friends who think that didn’t prepare my kids for the real world and they were totally opposed to this. What’s the point of playing if you don’t keep score? Now their kids were always pushed to be competitive and they became very skilled. They also had tantrums when they got beaten in a game. I remember a game of Uno that ruined an otherwise fun evening when one of the competitive kids lost. They couldn’t take it.
More people are not the winners and do not make the team. I think they are just as special as the winners. Less score keeping and comparing each other according to arbitrary constructs the better.
Should I really worry that my kids compared my income to that of another parent?
I love cooperative games rather than competitive!