In addition to all the good points that you raise here, I would add that youth sports have decimated family life. There is no respect for a family dinner hour, or for Sunday morning worship services. My granddaughter, the sophomore soccer star in her high school has no energy or focus left to do homework when she gets home at 9pm, after playing soccer in the mud or snow. She has struggled in school for years...and might I mention that she has sustained a broken leg, a broken foot, and a concussion? I could go on, but hey, nobody's listening...
As a youth sport coach, I can attest to the often abominable behavior from parents. As I tell my friends, "coaching kids is easy, it's the parents that are the challenge." Your mindset is on the right path. Cheer for good plays (your kid's and others), the team has a coach, let him/her do their job (don't coach from the sideline), thank the refs for coming out (there wouldn't be a game without them and they're doing the best they can). Kids were asked what is the worst part about playing youth sports, the overwhelming winner, "the ride home." Make the ride home enjoyable.
Agree that releasing expectations and letting sports be fun is the right path. My only exception is when a child is making poor decisions about how they treat their teammates, coaches, opponents, officials. Even so, yelling at a child in front of their peers is counter-productive. Chris Cooley once shared an anecdote about behaving like a jerk at a wrestling tournament. His mom quietly walked out. She made the point to him that some actions aren't acceptable without humiliating him publically.
I had the best time playing football in 8th grade. Parents were not involved. None of us cared. It was our thing. We lost the vast majority of our games. My football “career” ended at the end of the season. I love watching football to this day. Advice to parents: stay away from your kids’ games if you can’t just watch and cheer. Or, better yet, just stay home and let your kid tell you about the game later.
Some of the best advice I ever received when I was coaching youth baseball came from a speaker at a Positive Coaching Alliance seminar that our league sponsored. Attendance by coaches was mandatory. The speaker was an assistant tennis coach at Cal. She gave us this scenario: "At your next game, imagine that from the time you step on the field until you reach your car after the game, your every move and comment is being captured on video with audio. When you get home, you have to watch that video, with the sound turned up, with your spouse." What a great lesson that was for me and I tried my best to always keep that scenario in mind while I was coaching.
Haha, perhaps my kids (now all adults) were lucky. They were born to parents, both of whom were sports duds. Neither my wife, nor I, grew up hanging with kids that were rabid about sports. The most we did was participate in neighborhood kickball, or neighborhood touch/flag football. As a consequence, my wife and I didn't know how to "watch" sports. We had to learn. By that I mean that when we sat on the sidelines, we could hear all the parents around us shouting about this or that, and we were slow to learn how to see all those details.
We raised our kids happy to support them in what they enjoyed and were self-motivated to participate in. We never pushed them. (Well, we were guilty of pushing our daughter just a bit at the end of highschool, when she said she was feeling done with basketball, and we really believed should get even a modest scholarship somewhere).
We just didn't know enough about the sports our kids enjoyed to push them to play harder/better, or get upset when they made mistakes (mistakes? I didn't see that. What happened?)
My Grandkids play soccer. They just tell the boys to have fun. I ABSOLUTELY believe our son's experience dealing with us when HE played sports shapes his attitude. He was always big for his age AND he was GOOD: BB & FB. My husband and I weren't good sideline parents. It didn't help that my husband was scouted by a premiere college as a HS senior until serious injury ended that. I kid you not.....lol. We were "that couple" on the sidelines.
Omgoodness. When Russ played, sometimes my husband would be escorted OUT the gym by the refs. We were active-duty military at the time so, you did as you're told or your CO would hear about it--thank goodness--!! Russ went on to become all state for FB in hogh school. He went to college on a football scholarship. So yeah, we were a hot mess!!
We got a lot of things right with our kids but that was a period when we definitely got it wrong. We're greatful we can laugh about now.
I loved coaching youth sports, but I knew my limitations -- not having competed beyond high school. So when my daughter proved to have real talent, I stepped back and let qualified trainers and coaches teach her. She played Division I soccer and is now a college soccer coach. Recently I asked her what her mother and I did right -- or wrong -- during her youth sports experience, and she said, "You let me hang up my soccer cleats each fall, so that I could play basketball. And when I had enough of basketball by spring, I was happy to return to soccer." I loved watching my daughter and her teammates grow. Now, I love watching my daughter coach and seeing her improve the lives of the young women in her school's program. Like most things, the journey is paramount to any trophies earned along the way. At best, sports make people better humans and better parents.
In many ways, I am glad that my kids' chosen "sport" was FIRST Robotics (For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology). This program was the brain child of Dean Kamen and Dr. Woodie Flowers, and it encourages "gracious professionalism" and "coopertition" - cooperating while still competing against others. Kids are encouraged to use their brains, and collaboration, and their hands to build robots to perform specific tasks. It has all the cheering and joy of athletics, but the hope and inspiration that the skills they learn through the fun they have can take them into the workforce - as engineers, writers, scientists, computer programers, marketing specialists, business leaders. Check out FIRST programs at www.firstinspires.org and #makeitloud.
So, I was a D1 lacrosse player (though I quit after my freshman year). And it amazes me when I hear about parents hoping their lacrosse kid will get a college scholarship. Every D1 team gets 12.6 scholarships—not per year, but total. Spread that money over 45 or so kids and most are getting very little if anything. The ROI on camps and private coaches just ain't there for most. Sure, a very talented kid may get into a school that they wouldn't have otherwise. So cheer your kid on. Encourage them to play. But don't think 12 year-old Jimmy's sick stick skills are going to pay for his college.
Absolutely! My daughter coaches college soccer. Division I schools get a maximum of 14.5 scholarships with a roster of 30 or more, so very few players get "full rides." However, college basketball and volleyball have much smaller rosters, so there are more athletes who get full scholarships in those programs.
Sports are entertainment. Why not send the sports stars to HSPVA? I went to HSPVA in Houston and we had no sports at all. Not even a gym. So sad... We were a leader in PSAT scores though, maybe there is a connection? Three hours a day after school is not an unusual workout schedule for an athlete, how many students spend three hours a day after school studying? Most schools at the time (1980) had a six hour schedule, We had an eight hour schedule at HSPVA, five hours for academics and three hours for the arts. If you failed at academics, no matter how good your music skills (or whatever) were, you got booted. Many HSPVA grads have done well even though few actually get jobs in the arts. I am an exception, I work in theater, and ballet, and opera,and movies . I bet I make a lot less than most HSPVA grad do. Most do very well in other professions though, as academics are always the main focus at HSPVA. How many athletes fail in sports at a professional level and get great jobs in other professions?
Kids sports need to be de-emphasized. Period. Sports teach a lot of good values, but they do not translate well into the real world competitive work experience, ( I am eight years old and most of my competitors are only seven! WooHoo! I am a winner!). Or my equipment is better, or my home field is better, or my coaches are better... What does that teach a child?
I think it’s possible to be crazy competitive in a fun way, as both kids and parents, without having TOO unrealistic of expectations -- though maybe as a female athlete the chances were so much slimmer that I knew which side of the odds I fell on. As a result, sports were fun! And a state championship was plenty (though, of course, I wanted four of them).
Thanks for sharing your perspective. The first step in addressing this issue is for everyone to stop thinking that the problem is everyone else!
I have been in this arena for some time. As the president of the board of a youth sports organization. A high school coach. Running a summer collegiate baseball team. Both my kids were Division I athletes. So i have seen it from the youth sports, scholastic and collegiate perspectives. You reference quite correctly the financial reasons service providers have for “professionalizing” youth sports. But in addition, parents fall into the trap of letting their kids specialize in one sport at an early age. Because it’s more fun to watch your kid be the star shortstop or power forward or goalie than it is to watch them be an average lacrosse player or swimmer, even though they might enjoy trying the other sport. Specialization feeds both the financial goals of the service provider and the “I want to be entertained” goals of many parents. But forcing a 9 year old to specialize in one sport is absurd. But I see it all the time. And the soccer coach who told you you have no idea about athletic outcomes for a child until puberty is spot on. The hardest kid to deal with as a high school coach is the 8th grade superstar. Often it’s a situation where the kid is an early maturer who enjoys a giant physical advantage as a young teen. But that erodes over time as others mature and catch up. We all know the kid who was 6’2” and had a mustache in 8th grade. They looked like Shaq compared to the other kids. But that same kid is 6’3” as a senior and can no longer dominate based on sheer physical attributes. You have all of this to look forward to!
In addition to all the good points that you raise here, I would add that youth sports have decimated family life. There is no respect for a family dinner hour, or for Sunday morning worship services. My granddaughter, the sophomore soccer star in her high school has no energy or focus left to do homework when she gets home at 9pm, after playing soccer in the mud or snow. She has struggled in school for years...and might I mention that she has sustained a broken leg, a broken foot, and a concussion? I could go on, but hey, nobody's listening...
As a youth sport coach, I can attest to the often abominable behavior from parents. As I tell my friends, "coaching kids is easy, it's the parents that are the challenge." Your mindset is on the right path. Cheer for good plays (your kid's and others), the team has a coach, let him/her do their job (don't coach from the sideline), thank the refs for coming out (there wouldn't be a game without them and they're doing the best they can). Kids were asked what is the worst part about playing youth sports, the overwhelming winner, "the ride home." Make the ride home enjoyable.
Agree that releasing expectations and letting sports be fun is the right path. My only exception is when a child is making poor decisions about how they treat their teammates, coaches, opponents, officials. Even so, yelling at a child in front of their peers is counter-productive. Chris Cooley once shared an anecdote about behaving like a jerk at a wrestling tournament. His mom quietly walked out. She made the point to him that some actions aren't acceptable without humiliating him publically.
I had the best time playing football in 8th grade. Parents were not involved. None of us cared. It was our thing. We lost the vast majority of our games. My football “career” ended at the end of the season. I love watching football to this day. Advice to parents: stay away from your kids’ games if you can’t just watch and cheer. Or, better yet, just stay home and let your kid tell you about the game later.
Some of the best advice I ever received when I was coaching youth baseball came from a speaker at a Positive Coaching Alliance seminar that our league sponsored. Attendance by coaches was mandatory. The speaker was an assistant tennis coach at Cal. She gave us this scenario: "At your next game, imagine that from the time you step on the field until you reach your car after the game, your every move and comment is being captured on video with audio. When you get home, you have to watch that video, with the sound turned up, with your spouse." What a great lesson that was for me and I tried my best to always keep that scenario in mind while I was coaching.
Haha, perhaps my kids (now all adults) were lucky. They were born to parents, both of whom were sports duds. Neither my wife, nor I, grew up hanging with kids that were rabid about sports. The most we did was participate in neighborhood kickball, or neighborhood touch/flag football. As a consequence, my wife and I didn't know how to "watch" sports. We had to learn. By that I mean that when we sat on the sidelines, we could hear all the parents around us shouting about this or that, and we were slow to learn how to see all those details.
We raised our kids happy to support them in what they enjoyed and were self-motivated to participate in. We never pushed them. (Well, we were guilty of pushing our daughter just a bit at the end of highschool, when she said she was feeling done with basketball, and we really believed should get even a modest scholarship somewhere).
We just didn't know enough about the sports our kids enjoyed to push them to play harder/better, or get upset when they made mistakes (mistakes? I didn't see that. What happened?)
My Grandkids play soccer. They just tell the boys to have fun. I ABSOLUTELY believe our son's experience dealing with us when HE played sports shapes his attitude. He was always big for his age AND he was GOOD: BB & FB. My husband and I weren't good sideline parents. It didn't help that my husband was scouted by a premiere college as a HS senior until serious injury ended that. I kid you not.....lol. We were "that couple" on the sidelines.
Omgoodness. When Russ played, sometimes my husband would be escorted OUT the gym by the refs. We were active-duty military at the time so, you did as you're told or your CO would hear about it--thank goodness--!! Russ went on to become all state for FB in hogh school. He went to college on a football scholarship. So yeah, we were a hot mess!!
We got a lot of things right with our kids but that was a period when we definitely got it wrong. We're greatful we can laugh about now.
Teach your kids to focus on academics, when the they are forty, they will still have a job.
I loved coaching youth sports, but I knew my limitations -- not having competed beyond high school. So when my daughter proved to have real talent, I stepped back and let qualified trainers and coaches teach her. She played Division I soccer and is now a college soccer coach. Recently I asked her what her mother and I did right -- or wrong -- during her youth sports experience, and she said, "You let me hang up my soccer cleats each fall, so that I could play basketball. And when I had enough of basketball by spring, I was happy to return to soccer." I loved watching my daughter and her teammates grow. Now, I love watching my daughter coach and seeing her improve the lives of the young women in her school's program. Like most things, the journey is paramount to any trophies earned along the way. At best, sports make people better humans and better parents.
Wait until you are a grandfather!
In many ways, I am glad that my kids' chosen "sport" was FIRST Robotics (For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology). This program was the brain child of Dean Kamen and Dr. Woodie Flowers, and it encourages "gracious professionalism" and "coopertition" - cooperating while still competing against others. Kids are encouraged to use their brains, and collaboration, and their hands to build robots to perform specific tasks. It has all the cheering and joy of athletics, but the hope and inspiration that the skills they learn through the fun they have can take them into the workforce - as engineers, writers, scientists, computer programers, marketing specialists, business leaders. Check out FIRST programs at www.firstinspires.org and #makeitloud.
So, I was a D1 lacrosse player (though I quit after my freshman year). And it amazes me when I hear about parents hoping their lacrosse kid will get a college scholarship. Every D1 team gets 12.6 scholarships—not per year, but total. Spread that money over 45 or so kids and most are getting very little if anything. The ROI on camps and private coaches just ain't there for most. Sure, a very talented kid may get into a school that they wouldn't have otherwise. So cheer your kid on. Encourage them to play. But don't think 12 year-old Jimmy's sick stick skills are going to pay for his college.
Absolutely! My daughter coaches college soccer. Division I schools get a maximum of 14.5 scholarships with a roster of 30 or more, so very few players get "full rides." However, college basketball and volleyball have much smaller rosters, so there are more athletes who get full scholarships in those programs.
Sports are entertainment. Why not send the sports stars to HSPVA? I went to HSPVA in Houston and we had no sports at all. Not even a gym. So sad... We were a leader in PSAT scores though, maybe there is a connection? Three hours a day after school is not an unusual workout schedule for an athlete, how many students spend three hours a day after school studying? Most schools at the time (1980) had a six hour schedule, We had an eight hour schedule at HSPVA, five hours for academics and three hours for the arts. If you failed at academics, no matter how good your music skills (or whatever) were, you got booted. Many HSPVA grads have done well even though few actually get jobs in the arts. I am an exception, I work in theater, and ballet, and opera,and movies . I bet I make a lot less than most HSPVA grad do. Most do very well in other professions though, as academics are always the main focus at HSPVA. How many athletes fail in sports at a professional level and get great jobs in other professions?
Kids sports need to be de-emphasized. Period. Sports teach a lot of good values, but they do not translate well into the real world competitive work experience, ( I am eight years old and most of my competitors are only seven! WooHoo! I am a winner!). Or my equipment is better, or my home field is better, or my coaches are better... What does that teach a child?
I think it’s possible to be crazy competitive in a fun way, as both kids and parents, without having TOO unrealistic of expectations -- though maybe as a female athlete the chances were so much slimmer that I knew which side of the odds I fell on. As a result, sports were fun! And a state championship was plenty (though, of course, I wanted four of them).
Thanks for sharing your perspective. The first step in addressing this issue is for everyone to stop thinking that the problem is everyone else!
I have been in this arena for some time. As the president of the board of a youth sports organization. A high school coach. Running a summer collegiate baseball team. Both my kids were Division I athletes. So i have seen it from the youth sports, scholastic and collegiate perspectives. You reference quite correctly the financial reasons service providers have for “professionalizing” youth sports. But in addition, parents fall into the trap of letting their kids specialize in one sport at an early age. Because it’s more fun to watch your kid be the star shortstop or power forward or goalie than it is to watch them be an average lacrosse player or swimmer, even though they might enjoy trying the other sport. Specialization feeds both the financial goals of the service provider and the “I want to be entertained” goals of many parents. But forcing a 9 year old to specialize in one sport is absurd. But I see it all the time. And the soccer coach who told you you have no idea about athletic outcomes for a child until puberty is spot on. The hardest kid to deal with as a high school coach is the 8th grade superstar. Often it’s a situation where the kid is an early maturer who enjoys a giant physical advantage as a young teen. But that erodes over time as others mature and catch up. We all know the kid who was 6’2” and had a mustache in 8th grade. They looked like Shaq compared to the other kids. But that same kid is 6’3” as a senior and can no longer dominate based on sheer physical attributes. You have all of this to look forward to!