From Elenor Roosevelt - “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
It applies to other situations besides inferiority - like the feeling of failure.
Bottom line - we are solely accountable for how we feel - not someone else’s “success”, or anything else.
Related story - when I did a healthcare mission in Ft. Liberte, Haiti, an extremely impoverished country. One year, my interpreter wanted to show us his home. It was a hut made of cinder blocks, with a metal roof. He showed us his room, which had a thin pad on a dirt floor for a bed, an old wooden wine crate for a bedside table, and a small clock and two figurines, the extent of his worldly possessions. He was so proud to show us his room and his things, and to tell us how happy his life is. He did not know, or seemingly care, of what he did not have - he was happy with all that he did have. His ambition was to help others and be a good neighbour to his community. A lesson I have never forgotten...
Now that you are fully aware of what led to your unhappiness, carry that insight with you always. At the end of your days as you reflect on your life, I feel certain you will be thinking of the people you love, not the jobs you had or lost.
Just love all that you do on substack. And I love that you write so much. I really loved your column at the Post and they have never been able to replace it. And I am pretty sure that life can be lived using nothing but quotes from The Simpsons, Caddyshack, and Fletch
Chris' work really was the best stuff at The Post in my opinion. And you're right, it's never been replaced. To me, it speaks to what a unique voice he has.
What a thought provoking post. While I never felt this during my working days I am going to ponder if these feelings have impacted my home and family life. Thanks Chris.
Chris, you nailed it. And this is true of many people. It's similar to the fallacy of 'giving employees a raise will make them happy.' Once that raise has been normalized, as in, a normal part of one's feelings about their worth, then they are not happy again and want another raise. I know this isn't the same feeling as being laid off, but employees really want to be recognized for their contributions, not just given more money. Money isn't it. It's recognizing worth. And maybe you have finally hit on that for yourself. Keep on keeping on! .
Chris, I like the way you are examining the turn in your career from different perspectives. Re the theme of this piece, perhaps you remember the line in Mad Men , a great show about striving in the particularly American way. At one point, Draper defines "happiness" as "the moment before you realize you want something more." ( I'm sure I didn't get that exactly right. ) I think it's all about balance. The desire to achieve more keeps us engaged and productive. But chasing each and every shiny object is , as you rightly say, a guarantee of dissatisfaction.
Chris, great personal excavation into your psyche and ego. Thank you for sharing your thoughts -- they made me immediately reexamine my own work and self image.
We can strive to be better, make contributions and be content with where we are. Brene Brown says it all starts with connection (which is why we are here) and vulnerability is the gateway to courage and being connected.
Chris - I liked your work at the Washington Post. I liked your work at CNN. I like your work now.
I am a paid subscriber. You have a terrific nose for politics.
Yes, you got fired and it was a raw deal. But get over it. Stop wallowing in your sorrow. Move on, and write about politics, not how bad you feel. See a therapist if you need to.
I appreciate this perspective. I am doing my best to write from an authentic place — what’s going on in my life and how I am dealing with it. I feel as though I write a lot about politics in this space too!
Chris, your columns about your self-analyses of what makes you happy, what you want to accomplish in your life, what you seek as your purpose are all valuable free therapy for your readers. It's very easy to stop reading and move on to one of the other thousands of alternatives for readers who don't like them.
Amen. I was thinking EXACTLY the same thing! Chris needs to let go of the idea that he is not at CNN as an indictment of him personally, and understand that he got caught in a dysfunctional cesspool and is master of his own ship going forward. 2024 should be a good and interesting year for him. There’s a reason that we’re paid subscribers!
It's about perspective. There's a famous story about a Rabbi Zusya who told his disciples that when he died and stood before God he wouldn't be asked why he wasn't like Moses. He would be asked why he wasn't like Zusya. In other words, had he been the best person HE could be, not compared to someone else.
As a veteran of the ups and downs coming from "mergers and acquisitions" in the institutional financial services field, I can empathize with your living in a professional fog. Here's my advice from experience:
1. Accept that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, scared, frustrated, or any other emotion that comes up for you.
2. Do not to take it personally. You were a number on a ledger that had to move to the debit column. Nothing more/nothing less. Proof positive is all we folks coming to you from out positive experience connecting to you in WAPO and CNN.
3. Be kind to yourself --- get away from the incident, as you did taking your son to Portugal. Also, be mindful of how you think about yourself. Don’t let negative thoughts take over.
4. Talk to a a professional outside your family/friend circle; someone truly neutral like a counselor. While you need the "joy snacks" (those unexpected positives in day-to-day life) from your loving circle
supporting you as a good guy, that can feel empty. You need neutral guidance.
5. Knowing how to cope with being laid off is difficult. Finding healthy ways to manage your emotions means not giving into the useless coping habits of excessive drinking or drug use. While you might get temporary relief, they’ll ultimately make the situation worse.
6. Adopt a positive outlook to help you stay motivated while searching for your new direction. Reflect objectively on your last experience to assess how best to move head.
7. Be open to new experiences --- Be open to new experiences that can help you figure out how to cope with the natural layoff anxiety and depression. As you work toward discovering new opportunities move forward with anticipation that your career path will help you be a more fulfilled you.
My older brother, a Roman Catholic priest (he of the old timey Vatican Two variety). claims that no cultural programming gets American religion more on point than the Simpsons.
I would agree on secular points over a thirty year period. That is astonishing!!
This is the only time you will find me referring to Pat Riley, but he referred to this as "the disease of more."
This is a *very* important to lesson to learn in life, and it's also one that you're much better to learn earlier than later. In this way, you could consider getting laid off a great gift.
Many years back, I realized I was endlessly trying to prove something to myself or to someone else. That I was good enough. That I was smart enough. That I was whatever. Always wanting more. Once I figured that out, I set that aside and did things in my life that brought me a lot more happiness and fulfillment.
Is it a "I slayed the dragon" moment? No. That dragon comes back at various times. A lot of it is built into our society, so it's challenging to ignore. It's also built into some of us. But at least when it does come back, you'll know its name.
I recommend writing notes to yourself of things you've learned. Top line level. Yes, you have your articles. But this would be something for you, short and simple that you can look at down the road and say "Have I kept this realization close to my heart or am I back to doing that same old thing I was doing before?" Hard earned lessons can be even more difficult to keep.
I am even a paid subscriber now (it took awhile.). Please consider that a great accomplishment that gives you confidence and pride.
Now that I know you from substack I am appreciating you as a parent and family person as well as an entertaining and provocative political commentator.
My husband has been a lawyer for 40 years and he has always struggled with those feelings. The most shocking thing to me when he recently had a serious health crisis and while he was in the ICU, he told a doctor that being in the hospital made him feel like a failure. We had a long talk about that, after he recovered!
From Elenor Roosevelt - “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
It applies to other situations besides inferiority - like the feeling of failure.
Bottom line - we are solely accountable for how we feel - not someone else’s “success”, or anything else.
Related story - when I did a healthcare mission in Ft. Liberte, Haiti, an extremely impoverished country. One year, my interpreter wanted to show us his home. It was a hut made of cinder blocks, with a metal roof. He showed us his room, which had a thin pad on a dirt floor for a bed, an old wooden wine crate for a bedside table, and a small clock and two figurines, the extent of his worldly possessions. He was so proud to show us his room and his things, and to tell us how happy his life is. He did not know, or seemingly care, of what he did not have - he was happy with all that he did have. His ambition was to help others and be a good neighbour to his community. A lesson I have never forgotten...
Now that you are fully aware of what led to your unhappiness, carry that insight with you always. At the end of your days as you reflect on your life, I feel certain you will be thinking of the people you love, not the jobs you had or lost.
I hope so, Laura!
A really good post. I can cookie cutter this with my career in product management.
25 years on I still struggle with this (and crippling imposter syndrome to boot)
Yeah. I think it's a very common feeling. Doesn't make it any less corrosive though.
Mr. Springsteen seems to be missing from this conversation...
"Poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be king
And a king ain't satisfied 'til he rules everything."
Really good post, though, Lace.
Well said.
Just love all that you do on substack. And I love that you write so much. I really loved your column at the Post and they have never been able to replace it. And I am pretty sure that life can be lived using nothing but quotes from The Simpsons, Caddyshack, and Fletch
Thanks Frank! And, yes, I look to those three a LOT ;)
Mmm... Monty Python should figure in there too.
Chris' work really was the best stuff at The Post in my opinion. And you're right, it's never been replaced. To me, it speaks to what a unique voice he has.
Thanks, Sean!
I believe he had Taylor Swift as well - full of pop culture references...
What a thought provoking post. While I never felt this during my working days I am going to ponder if these feelings have impacted my home and family life. Thanks Chris.
Thanks for reading Susan.
Chris, you nailed it. And this is true of many people. It's similar to the fallacy of 'giving employees a raise will make them happy.' Once that raise has been normalized, as in, a normal part of one's feelings about their worth, then they are not happy again and want another raise. I know this isn't the same feeling as being laid off, but employees really want to be recognized for their contributions, not just given more money. Money isn't it. It's recognizing worth. And maybe you have finally hit on that for yourself. Keep on keeping on! .
I will, Lisa. Some days are better than others but I will keep at it!
Chris, I like the way you are examining the turn in your career from different perspectives. Re the theme of this piece, perhaps you remember the line in Mad Men , a great show about striving in the particularly American way. At one point, Draper defines "happiness" as "the moment before you realize you want something more." ( I'm sure I didn't get that exactly right. ) I think it's all about balance. The desire to achieve more keeps us engaged and productive. But chasing each and every shiny object is , as you rightly say, a guarantee of dissatisfaction.
Thanks, Todd. I am really trying to excavate all the ways I had set myself up for unhappiness. Thanks for coming on the journey.
Chris, great personal excavation into your psyche and ego. Thank you for sharing your thoughts -- they made me immediately reexamine my own work and self image.
We can strive to be better, make contributions and be content with where we are. Brene Brown says it all starts with connection (which is why we are here) and vulnerability is the gateway to courage and being connected.
Thanks, Brad. Well said.
Chris - I liked your work at the Washington Post. I liked your work at CNN. I like your work now.
I am a paid subscriber. You have a terrific nose for politics.
Yes, you got fired and it was a raw deal. But get over it. Stop wallowing in your sorrow. Move on, and write about politics, not how bad you feel. See a therapist if you need to.
I appreciate this perspective. I am doing my best to write from an authentic place — what’s going on in my life and how I am dealing with it. I feel as though I write a lot about politics in this space too!
Chris, your columns about your self-analyses of what makes you happy, what you want to accomplish in your life, what you seek as your purpose are all valuable free therapy for your readers. It's very easy to stop reading and move on to one of the other thousands of alternatives for readers who don't like them.
Amen. I was thinking EXACTLY the same thing! Chris needs to let go of the idea that he is not at CNN as an indictment of him personally, and understand that he got caught in a dysfunctional cesspool and is master of his own ship going forward. 2024 should be a good and interesting year for him. There’s a reason that we’re paid subscribers!
It's about perspective. There's a famous story about a Rabbi Zusya who told his disciples that when he died and stood before God he wouldn't be asked why he wasn't like Moses. He would be asked why he wasn't like Zusya. In other words, had he been the best person HE could be, not compared to someone else.
Comparison is the WORST thing we can do to ourselves!
Chris,
As a veteran of the ups and downs coming from "mergers and acquisitions" in the institutional financial services field, I can empathize with your living in a professional fog. Here's my advice from experience:
1. Accept that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, scared, frustrated, or any other emotion that comes up for you.
2. Do not to take it personally. You were a number on a ledger that had to move to the debit column. Nothing more/nothing less. Proof positive is all we folks coming to you from out positive experience connecting to you in WAPO and CNN.
3. Be kind to yourself --- get away from the incident, as you did taking your son to Portugal. Also, be mindful of how you think about yourself. Don’t let negative thoughts take over.
4. Talk to a a professional outside your family/friend circle; someone truly neutral like a counselor. While you need the "joy snacks" (those unexpected positives in day-to-day life) from your loving circle
supporting you as a good guy, that can feel empty. You need neutral guidance.
5. Knowing how to cope with being laid off is difficult. Finding healthy ways to manage your emotions means not giving into the useless coping habits of excessive drinking or drug use. While you might get temporary relief, they’ll ultimately make the situation worse.
6. Adopt a positive outlook to help you stay motivated while searching for your new direction. Reflect objectively on your last experience to assess how best to move head.
7. Be open to new experiences --- Be open to new experiences that can help you figure out how to cope with the natural layoff anxiety and depression. As you work toward discovering new opportunities move forward with anticipation that your career path will help you be a more fulfilled you.
Peace and Good Will Vibes,
Chris
Thanks so much for all of these good thoughts.
Thanks for the Simpson's cut.
RE: the Simpsons
My older brother, a Roman Catholic priest (he of the old timey Vatican Two variety). claims that no cultural programming gets American religion more on point than the Simpsons.
I would agree on secular points over a thirty year period. That is astonishing!!
This is the only time you will find me referring to Pat Riley, but he referred to this as "the disease of more."
This is a *very* important to lesson to learn in life, and it's also one that you're much better to learn earlier than later. In this way, you could consider getting laid off a great gift.
Many years back, I realized I was endlessly trying to prove something to myself or to someone else. That I was good enough. That I was smart enough. That I was whatever. Always wanting more. Once I figured that out, I set that aside and did things in my life that brought me a lot more happiness and fulfillment.
Is it a "I slayed the dragon" moment? No. That dragon comes back at various times. A lot of it is built into our society, so it's challenging to ignore. It's also built into some of us. But at least when it does come back, you'll know its name.
I recommend writing notes to yourself of things you've learned. Top line level. Yes, you have your articles. But this would be something for you, short and simple that you can look at down the road and say "Have I kept this realization close to my heart or am I back to doing that same old thing I was doing before?" Hard earned lessons can be even more difficult to keep.
That is a good idea!
Chris, you were famous and admired by me.
I am even a paid subscriber now (it took awhile.). Please consider that a great accomplishment that gives you confidence and pride.
Now that I know you from substack I am appreciating you as a parent and family person as well as an entertaining and provocative political commentator.
So you always have that.
Thanks so much. Means a lot.
My husband has been a lawyer for 40 years and he has always struggled with those feelings. The most shocking thing to me when he recently had a serious health crisis and while he was in the ICU, he told a doctor that being in the hospital made him feel like a failure. We had a long talk about that, after he recovered!
Yeah. It is such a corrosive way to look at life!