The power of caring less

On my TV journey.

I am doing a lot of TV these days. I did MSNBC and NewsNation yesterday. I signed on as a political contributor for Scripps News earlier this week.

And I am loving it.

This was not always the case.

A confession: In the final few months of my time at CNN, I found myself dreading being on TV. I still could do it — and made myself do it — but it wasn’t fun. I was sometimes overwhelmed with anxiety.

Which, at the time, I couldn’t explain. After all, I had done a lot of TV in my life. I thought I was pretty good at it — or at least people told me that! And for years, I hadn’t given a second thought to being on TV; it was a thing I did. Period.

But, in the fall of 2022, it had turned into an absolute ordeal. Like, stomach churning. Sweating. Uncomfortable all over.

Then, um, I didn’t have to worry about it anymore. CNN laid me off. My job disappeared — and with it my anxiety about TV. While I was miserable about not having a job, I will admit I was a little bit relieved that I wouldn’t have to go on TV anymore.

Because of my CNN contract, I couldn’t do any TV — even after I was laid off. Which, honestly, was fine with me. It gave me an excuse — a valid one! — to avoid something that had caused me a ton of anxiety.

Rather than worry about being on TV, I could focus on doing other things — like building this newsletter! Which I did!

But then my CNN contract ended. Which meant I was now free to pursue (or not) any TV opportunities that came my way. And I was at a crossroads.

On the one hand, doing TV was undoubtedly helpful for the independent brand I was trying to build. While less people watch cable than ever before, LOTS of people still watch it.

On the other hand, ANXIETY!

I can’t remember the first TV offer that came through. But I think it was Scripps. I hemmed and hawed and then finally said “yes.” I did the hit. And, no anxiety. In fact, it was fun!

It made me remember what I loved about TV — the immediacy, the thinking on your feet, the back and forth with the anchor and the other guests. It sent a shot of adrenaline through me the likes of which I had rarely experienced — in a professional setting — in years.

It was a revelation for me. And it got me thinking about what had changed between November 2022, when I was miserable doing TV, and the spring/summer of 2024, when it made me happy and energized.

My answer: I cared too much back in my days at CNN.

Now, I know that we teach our kids that caring about things is super important. And that a person who cares about nothing isn’t really someone you want to hang out with.

But I also think there’s real danger in caring TOO much. For me, back in the fall of 2022, every TV appearance was a chance where I would screw up, say or do something wrong that would doom me and my career. I had all of my eggs in the CNN basket and I knew it. If something went wrong, my whole world would collapse.

Every TV appearance then felt to me like it had the highest of stakes: Do well and survive another day. Do poorly and watch your career crumble.

I was just squeezing it — TV, my job — too tightly. And in the process I was crushing myself.

Little did I know that it was all going to come tumbling down anyway — whether or not I did well in a single TV hit.

I’ve written a lot about getting laid off — and I am not going to rehash it here. But, standing on the other side of it now, one of the big lessons it taught me was to, well, care a little less.

My life is a lot more than my career. And a whole hell of a lot more than any one TV appearance.

Now when I do TV, I remind myself before I go on that this is just something that I do, not something that I am. If it goes poorly, so be it! If they don’t ask me back, that’s ok!

What I am committed to doing is being myself. Having — gasp! — fun. Letting my passion and love for politics shine through.

If TV isn’t a part of my long-term future, that’s ok! I am doing all sorts of fun and cool stuff that isn’t dependent on being a cable TV pundit.

Ironically, loosening my grip on it all has, I think, made me a better TV guest. I am more myself. Less in my own head. More just reveling in the experience and the opportunity.

Not because I don’t care. I, of course, care — and want to do my best. But because I care less. I know now that no one event — whether it’s a TV appearance or anything else — defines who I am and what I can do.

Honestly, it’s a GREAT feeling.