As I like to say about aging, “I’m not fond of the alternative!”
I’m looking at 70 later this year, and I can’t deny at this point, no matter how good a shape I am in and how little grey and how few wrinkles I have (and I’m blessed that way...), that I’m just plain OLD now! That said, it’s really good to be alive and I’m looking forward to more good times and great experiences with my wife, family, dogs, and friends!
(And I’m with you 💯 on intentionally trying to be the precise opposite of my dad! I know that I am VERY different than he was, but there are still times I look on a thing or two I’ve done and think, “Damn, did I still end up like him on that?”)
Also, a CPAP doesn't have to be forever, depending on your physiology. I had one when I was about your age Chris. I lost 30 pounds per the docs instructions and 6 months later the CPAP was history, never to return. Of course, that is just my experience. YMMV.
Amen! My mother-in-law hated the idea of being perceived as old. She would claim to be only 39 all the years I knew her (I mean, after a while it was obviously not true, so she tried declaring that in a jocular tone, but it betrayed a genuine dislike of being old). I've never understood that. I have always considered that being old is a badge of honor...means you've made it this far...and here's to making it further. Of course, no one wants the decline, but there are plenty of middle-aged folk who are in horrible shape, alcoholic, or simply in bad health due to decisions they've made. I intend to enjoy the ride and hope for many years.
I know! I always say to myself, getting older is better than the alternative! (I.e. dying.). We live in such a youth obsessed culture that any sign of aging is feared. But really, looking back, other than an unwrinkled face and a lack of jowls, I have no reason to want to go back in time to my younger self.
You are not old. You are more mature and wiser. Look I’m 81 and feel and act as if I had 60. Never felt better in my life. Age is just a number! Keep up with your excellent writing. I enjoy it so much.
A couple of thoughts: First, there are certain milestones in life, or facets of living, that are sort of hidden, but when they happen to you, you find out you are far from alone. For example, when my wife and I experienced a series of miscarriages, we quickly found out that there are a lot of women/couples who had also experienced miscarriages...and, boy did they understand what we were feeling. Another is getting a CPAP...you may find out (all of a sudden) how many people you know use a CPAP and you had previously had no idea (put me on that list-lol). My second thought is that we all have a tendency to perhaps misidentify the "markers" that indicate what we don't like about our parents. I think you're finding out that your dad using a CPAP didn't make him old and infirm, it was a consequence of other decisions he'd made...decisions that you are determined not to make. So, the CPAP can lose its value as an indicator of decline, and now it can benefit you. We all do that. I have never felt like I have earned my right as a "respected elder" (which is ridiculous, actually), so when I hear my pharmacist call out across his shop "he's 63!" in answer to someone else's question (to properly dose a vaccine), it sounds shockingly old to me. But, then I laugh that off and go about my day. Cheers! (P.S. My dad, wife, and both sons are also all CPAP users)
Infertility and 6 losses, felt alone until we opened up and found ourselves realizing more people dealing with these issues. As far as CPAPS, I hear so many people have them and it’s a love/hate relationship.
I love my CPAP, my wife strongly likes hers. I think my sons and dad love theirs. I agree that in general, reviews are mixed. :)
We had a child, 4 miscarriages, a second child, one more miscarriage and a third child. Thankfully, we were blessed with an ob/gyn who was EXTREMELY patient and pastoral in his care.
My mom needed a CPAP, hated it and refused to use it. She wound up having surgery to remove her tonsils, adenoids and shorten her uvula, which helped some. However, she then used an oral appliance, like a night guard. She’d grind her teeth and break the appliance. She wound up needing a BiPAP at the end of her life as she had many health issues. She was not a fan but dealt with it.
We had 10 years of infertility. We got pregnant with twins, lost 1 of the babies and have our son (31) and lost 5 more pregnancies. Our team of doctors were great, too. Our son and daughter in law are giving us our first grandson in May!
It's a club no one wants to be a member of, but I so empathize with your experience. I'm glad you are getting a grandson! I have 3 grandsons (and a new grand-something coming in August), and I absolutely love being a grandpa. I hope you and your husband get similar joy with your grandson. Here's to medical professionals who can caringly tend to our emotions as well as our bodies. It's important.
I thought I was reading a story that I had written (though not nearly as well). Between the Father/Son issues, the denial of aging, and impact of snoring on others, that could have been me 11 years ago. Now I sleep much better with that awkward contraption on my face every night and I’m grateful for it.
I started using a CPAP last year. The first morning after I used it ... I realized I had forgotten what it felt like to wake up refreshed. I NEVER sleep without it now. (I use what they call "pillows", not the full mask. Works well for me.)
I am a CPAP user myself. I can't stand it, but I do it for my wife and yes, for myself, because I have no wish to go to sleep and never wake up (for those wondering what I am talking about, google former Philadelphia Eagles star Reggie White).
Chris, I am 30 years older than you and I STILL think of myself as young. Particularly comparing myself and my physical condition to my contemporaries, not to mention what I do with my life and many of them do with theirs. Get over it, and think how much smarter and aware you are now than back when you were in "don't trust anybody UNDER 30" territory. :-)
That said, I had an opportunity for life to tap me on the shoulder with a lesson that I am indeed not as young as I think, when I bent over to get the cat bowls, had one foot slip out from under and ended up going face first into the cabinet door. Took me about 5 minutes to reset the gyros - followed by a mad dash to the bathroom to staunch the flow of blood in my eye, which turned out to be a 1/4 inch injury where my forehead hit the cabinet door handle. A band aid overnight and the scab took care of things. Overall not a good thing to happen to an Auld Phart living alone. Lost a friend to a similar but slightly worse event a couple years ago. In the days since I have decided to not worry about how it looks to get down on all fours to gather all the cat bowls (in my house, I AM the Crazy Cat Lady), then get up. I have to do this because I have at least ten more years of good writing ideas to complete (being the only writer my age I know still hard at work and better than before).
Life happens. You can resist it or deal with it when the issue comes up. As is well known, the longer we don't deal with something that needs to be dealt with, the harder it is when we are finally forced to do so.
I can assure you, you're a better writer now than you were a year ago, because you're recognizing and dealing with reality as it is. That's a good strategy. The only good strategy.
I don’t view aging as going downhill. I do view it as going down a set of stairs. Once I move down a step, I may not be able to climb back up to where I was, but there are wonderful things on this new step that I can enjoy and feel fulfilled by. I’m 66. I’m not playing the sports that I used to play. My rotator cuffs are both tender. My knees have been replaced. But still, this is the best time of my life.
Hey Chris. Turned 60 this past October and have been using a CPAP for more than a decade. I have used it on trips where I knew people would see it and possibly tease me about it but never had any issues. The one thing you need to do at this early stage is to find the type of mask that works best for you. I have tried four different masks over the years, including a full nose and mouth mask and finally found that the nasal cushion was the way to go.
Sleep doctors love patients who are curious so don't be afraid to pepper your doc with questions. I remember when I was first diagnosed, I asked my doctor "Can I die from this?" and he calmly said "Yes, but you won't."
Kudos to you for taking the steps to sleep better/be healthier. I’ve got a few friends who have the cpap and they all swear the nasal cannula is significantly better than the mask. Here’s to good sleep.
I’m 63. Growing old is not for sissies. Ask yourself an honest question: would you trade your older mind for your younger body? Relinquish cherished memories, experiences (both good and bad), life lessons, all the things you have lived through and made you what you are today... for fewer wrinkles, tighter skin, less aches and pain, and snore-free nights? Answer: no. Speak with most “seniors” (the quotation marks are deliberate) and they agree, we become more comfortable in our skin as we age. There is a (sometimes grudging) acceptance that with wisdom comes sacrifice and I am content with that. I am happier within myself in my 60s than I was in my 30s and 40s. Embrace aging! It is a privilege denied to many. In the end, you earn your wrinkles, and the peace that comes with them.
My husband gently reminded me that at 64, we are no longer “middle age” as 128 is highly unlikely! We’ve made a conscious decision to embrace it. I laugh at wrinkly elbows and he gets a kick out of asking for a senior discount. It’s a blessing to shrug off certain tasks that are a literal pain. As a woman, I am constantly bombarded with ways to look younger but I feel that I am ok with the person in the mirror and that’s all that matters.
Good for you, Chris. One of the positives about getting older (I'm 67) is that it does provide a change of perspectives and allows you to see things from a broader point of view. I read just a few weeks ago in my AARP magazine 😆😆 of a study that was done using people who were in their '70s, '80s, and '90s. The question they asked everyone was: how old do you feel? And the answer, surprisingly, was around 35-50, no matter how old they were. I have to agree with that. Although I'm in good health, I still feel 35 on the inside. I wonder if I always will? Judging by the results of that survey, I feel hopeful that the answer will be yes! Lol
I'm 55. I'm a runner. At 46 I had a serious cancer battle with treatment (chemo, radiation, surgery) lasting 14 months. They told me chemo aged my body about 10 years. I struggled forever trying to get my heart and lungs back to anything helpful for running. I had to face the physical aging thing super fast. But experiencing all of this at the same time that I had to fight for my life gave me a helpful perspective. I am still here! And my mantra that my family still chuckles about, the thing I muttered to myself every time I faced another set back or side effect, with no malice only gratitude, is: "At least I'm here to bitch about it!" So I'm glad that in your own way, you've learned that helpful lesson. It completely flips the script on aging. Be grateful for that CPAP, and good sleep!
Don’t forget that getting old is the goal! On my 60th birthday I shouted to the heavens: “I made it!”
VERY good call.
As I like to say about aging, “I’m not fond of the alternative!”
I’m looking at 70 later this year, and I can’t deny at this point, no matter how good a shape I am in and how little grey and how few wrinkles I have (and I’m blessed that way...), that I’m just plain OLD now! That said, it’s really good to be alive and I’m looking forward to more good times and great experiences with my wife, family, dogs, and friends!
(And I’m with you 💯 on intentionally trying to be the precise opposite of my dad! I know that I am VERY different than he was, but there are still times I look on a thing or two I’ve done and think, “Damn, did I still end up like him on that?”)
Also, a CPAP doesn't have to be forever, depending on your physiology. I had one when I was about your age Chris. I lost 30 pounds per the docs instructions and 6 months later the CPAP was history, never to return. Of course, that is just my experience. YMMV.
I see on TV that there are therapeutic alternatives to the machine.
Amen! My mother-in-law hated the idea of being perceived as old. She would claim to be only 39 all the years I knew her (I mean, after a while it was obviously not true, so she tried declaring that in a jocular tone, but it betrayed a genuine dislike of being old). I've never understood that. I have always considered that being old is a badge of honor...means you've made it this far...and here's to making it further. Of course, no one wants the decline, but there are plenty of middle-aged folk who are in horrible shape, alcoholic, or simply in bad health due to decisions they've made. I intend to enjoy the ride and hope for many years.
By claiming she was 39, she was stealing a line from Jack Benny. ;--)
I know! I always say to myself, getting older is better than the alternative! (I.e. dying.). We live in such a youth obsessed culture that any sign of aging is feared. But really, looking back, other than an unwrinkled face and a lack of jowls, I have no reason to want to go back in time to my younger self.
Where are the elders when you need them?
Chris,
You are not old. You are more mature and wiser. Look I’m 81 and feel and act as if I had 60. Never felt better in my life. Age is just a number! Keep up with your excellent writing. I enjoy it so much.
Leonardo
Thanks, Leonardo. I am so glad you do!
A couple of thoughts: First, there are certain milestones in life, or facets of living, that are sort of hidden, but when they happen to you, you find out you are far from alone. For example, when my wife and I experienced a series of miscarriages, we quickly found out that there are a lot of women/couples who had also experienced miscarriages...and, boy did they understand what we were feeling. Another is getting a CPAP...you may find out (all of a sudden) how many people you know use a CPAP and you had previously had no idea (put me on that list-lol). My second thought is that we all have a tendency to perhaps misidentify the "markers" that indicate what we don't like about our parents. I think you're finding out that your dad using a CPAP didn't make him old and infirm, it was a consequence of other decisions he'd made...decisions that you are determined not to make. So, the CPAP can lose its value as an indicator of decline, and now it can benefit you. We all do that. I have never felt like I have earned my right as a "respected elder" (which is ridiculous, actually), so when I hear my pharmacist call out across his shop "he's 63!" in answer to someone else's question (to properly dose a vaccine), it sounds shockingly old to me. But, then I laugh that off and go about my day. Cheers! (P.S. My dad, wife, and both sons are also all CPAP users)
Infertility and 6 losses, felt alone until we opened up and found ourselves realizing more people dealing with these issues. As far as CPAPS, I hear so many people have them and it’s a love/hate relationship.
I love my CPAP, my wife strongly likes hers. I think my sons and dad love theirs. I agree that in general, reviews are mixed. :)
We had a child, 4 miscarriages, a second child, one more miscarriage and a third child. Thankfully, we were blessed with an ob/gyn who was EXTREMELY patient and pastoral in his care.
My mom needed a CPAP, hated it and refused to use it. She wound up having surgery to remove her tonsils, adenoids and shorten her uvula, which helped some. However, she then used an oral appliance, like a night guard. She’d grind her teeth and break the appliance. She wound up needing a BiPAP at the end of her life as she had many health issues. She was not a fan but dealt with it.
We had 10 years of infertility. We got pregnant with twins, lost 1 of the babies and have our son (31) and lost 5 more pregnancies. Our team of doctors were great, too. Our son and daughter in law are giving us our first grandson in May!
It's a club no one wants to be a member of, but I so empathize with your experience. I'm glad you are getting a grandson! I have 3 grandsons (and a new grand-something coming in August), and I absolutely love being a grandpa. I hope you and your husband get similar joy with your grandson. Here's to medical professionals who can caringly tend to our emotions as well as our bodies. It's important.
Exactly! congrats on your new grandchild coming! We are very excited.
Thanks, Andy. That is so right on.
I am a CPAP user and the benefit outweighs the not doing!
Christopher Elton Cillizza - did my husband ask you to write this?
All jokes aside, I truly appreciate you and what you share with us here. I’ll make the damn appointment. 😀
Ha! Do it!
Welcome to the CPAP user mob. We snore no more.
#CPAPMOB
😂
I thought I was reading a story that I had written (though not nearly as well). Between the Father/Son issues, the denial of aging, and impact of snoring on others, that could have been me 11 years ago. Now I sleep much better with that awkward contraption on my face every night and I’m grateful for it.
I think it's a shared experience for sure, Chuck.
I started using a CPAP last year. The first morning after I used it ... I realized I had forgotten what it felt like to wake up refreshed. I NEVER sleep without it now. (I use what they call "pillows", not the full mask. Works well for me.)
YES!
I am a CPAP user myself. I can't stand it, but I do it for my wife and yes, for myself, because I have no wish to go to sleep and never wake up (for those wondering what I am talking about, google former Philadelphia Eagles star Reggie White).
That is good motivation!
Chris, I am 30 years older than you and I STILL think of myself as young. Particularly comparing myself and my physical condition to my contemporaries, not to mention what I do with my life and many of them do with theirs. Get over it, and think how much smarter and aware you are now than back when you were in "don't trust anybody UNDER 30" territory. :-)
That said, I had an opportunity for life to tap me on the shoulder with a lesson that I am indeed not as young as I think, when I bent over to get the cat bowls, had one foot slip out from under and ended up going face first into the cabinet door. Took me about 5 minutes to reset the gyros - followed by a mad dash to the bathroom to staunch the flow of blood in my eye, which turned out to be a 1/4 inch injury where my forehead hit the cabinet door handle. A band aid overnight and the scab took care of things. Overall not a good thing to happen to an Auld Phart living alone. Lost a friend to a similar but slightly worse event a couple years ago. In the days since I have decided to not worry about how it looks to get down on all fours to gather all the cat bowls (in my house, I AM the Crazy Cat Lady), then get up. I have to do this because I have at least ten more years of good writing ideas to complete (being the only writer my age I know still hard at work and better than before).
Life happens. You can resist it or deal with it when the issue comes up. As is well known, the longer we don't deal with something that needs to be dealt with, the harder it is when we are finally forced to do so.
I can assure you, you're a better writer now than you were a year ago, because you're recognizing and dealing with reality as it is. That's a good strategy. The only good strategy.
I don’t view aging as going downhill. I do view it as going down a set of stairs. Once I move down a step, I may not be able to climb back up to where I was, but there are wonderful things on this new step that I can enjoy and feel fulfilled by. I’m 66. I’m not playing the sports that I used to play. My rotator cuffs are both tender. My knees have been replaced. But still, this is the best time of my life.
I love that metaphor -- and will steal it ;)
Hey Chris. Turned 60 this past October and have been using a CPAP for more than a decade. I have used it on trips where I knew people would see it and possibly tease me about it but never had any issues. The one thing you need to do at this early stage is to find the type of mask that works best for you. I have tried four different masks over the years, including a full nose and mouth mask and finally found that the nasal cushion was the way to go.
Sleep doctors love patients who are curious so don't be afraid to pepper your doc with questions. I remember when I was first diagnosed, I asked my doctor "Can I die from this?" and he calmly said "Yes, but you won't."
That's my plan. Right now I just have a nose thingy...
Kudos to you for taking the steps to sleep better/be healthier. I’ve got a few friends who have the cpap and they all swear the nasal cannula is significantly better than the mask. Here’s to good sleep.
Ok, that is useful!
I’m 63. Growing old is not for sissies. Ask yourself an honest question: would you trade your older mind for your younger body? Relinquish cherished memories, experiences (both good and bad), life lessons, all the things you have lived through and made you what you are today... for fewer wrinkles, tighter skin, less aches and pain, and snore-free nights? Answer: no. Speak with most “seniors” (the quotation marks are deliberate) and they agree, we become more comfortable in our skin as we age. There is a (sometimes grudging) acceptance that with wisdom comes sacrifice and I am content with that. I am happier within myself in my 60s than I was in my 30s and 40s. Embrace aging! It is a privilege denied to many. In the end, you earn your wrinkles, and the peace that comes with them.
My husband gently reminded me that at 64, we are no longer “middle age” as 128 is highly unlikely! We’ve made a conscious decision to embrace it. I laugh at wrinkly elbows and he gets a kick out of asking for a senior discount. It’s a blessing to shrug off certain tasks that are a literal pain. As a woman, I am constantly bombarded with ways to look younger but I feel that I am ok with the person in the mirror and that’s all that matters.
Good for you, Chris. One of the positives about getting older (I'm 67) is that it does provide a change of perspectives and allows you to see things from a broader point of view. I read just a few weeks ago in my AARP magazine 😆😆 of a study that was done using people who were in their '70s, '80s, and '90s. The question they asked everyone was: how old do you feel? And the answer, surprisingly, was around 35-50, no matter how old they were. I have to agree with that. Although I'm in good health, I still feel 35 on the inside. I wonder if I always will? Judging by the results of that survey, I feel hopeful that the answer will be yes! Lol
I think we will always feel younger than our actual age. Which is probably a good thing!
I'm 55. I'm a runner. At 46 I had a serious cancer battle with treatment (chemo, radiation, surgery) lasting 14 months. They told me chemo aged my body about 10 years. I struggled forever trying to get my heart and lungs back to anything helpful for running. I had to face the physical aging thing super fast. But experiencing all of this at the same time that I had to fight for my life gave me a helpful perspective. I am still here! And my mantra that my family still chuckles about, the thing I muttered to myself every time I faced another set back or side effect, with no malice only gratitude, is: "At least I'm here to bitch about it!" So I'm glad that in your own way, you've learned that helpful lesson. It completely flips the script on aging. Be grateful for that CPAP, and good sleep!