I was forced into early retirement from my corporate finance career in 2009. It still stings a bit, and I certainly felt like a horrible failure at the time (even though, as one of only two senior female executives, I had found myself badly at odds with my employer’s rather paternalistic culture). Now I use my finance expertise by serving on several nonprofit boards and enjoy not having to get up early on weekdays or spend a lot of time on crowded airplanes. But as someone who had always seen myself as high-achieving, it took a while for me to shake off that sense of failure. As for you, CNN’s loss is your Substack subscribers’ gain. And you’re setting a great example of resilience through struggle for your son.
I'm SO GLAD you didn't "go dark", Chris. I was shocked when CNN let you go, but more than shocked, I was dismayed that I'd never read your columns, watch your videos, or read your political "take" on things, ever again. Now that you've resurfaced, I continue to read and enjoy your columns, your insight. Pleeze...don't stop now!
Thank you for this column Chris about the common absence of discussion about adversity in our USA. It reminded me of this Wash Post op ed essay derived by David Von Drehle about his book of lessons that he learned from his neighbor who was over 100 years old when they met and lived to 109. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/05/22/david-von-drehle-book-excerpt-dr-charlie-white/ Adversity and how to overcome it should be a typical expectation. I struggle most with my now adult-children's lack of ambition and goals for their futures. How to start their engines is a mystery and a nagging fear for me. I became a self-starter -- BECAUSE -- my Dad was transferred and my family relocated when I was 14. I HATED that move from a place that I loved with close friends to a place that I hated hundreds of miles away from anyone that I knew. We'd moved when I was 7 from my hometown and the hometowns of my parents and grandparents. These involuntary moves started my engine of being bound and determined to do academically well in high school so that I'd have the ability to go to a college far away and decide my future for myself. I didn't/don't have that option to inflict upon my children. Good luck with your Substack and all future endeavors, including parenting.
Important subject, Chris, and much credit to you for bringing it up. Honesty with kids about the ups and downs in life is sooo important. Life is a roller coaster, good days and bad days are part of life. We grow through the tougher days. Open up with your kids, share your emotions, it also helps other in the same/ similar situation. Love your writing! 🥰
It really is! I just think we are so set on portraying our lives as perfect in every way that we don’t realize that we are teaching our kids it’s not ok to fail or to struggle.
Chris, this is so true. My son is 30 and married, he has been teaching ME throughout the last few years. He has some mental health issues, having struggled with depression, anxiety, PTSD and has had suicidal ideations. Part of this was due to a job he had with the state, CPS investigator. At any rate, going through his therapy and having a very supportive wife, we have some deep conversations. No, he does not confide in most of his sessions, nor do we pry, it’s none of our business but we do listen to whatever information he does share. He is also 2 years sober, we are very proud of him. He has been learning that he should have people in his life where he can say “I am struggling”. I do think that so many people struggle and yet they keep it to themselves. They don’t want to share their burden, have people look at them in a negative way. We struggled with infertility for 10 years and once we finally opened up, we didn’t feel so alone. My 87 year old dad was starting to decline in health and he was adamant that he not go into assisted living, nursing home or have 24/7 care at home. He decided to take matters into his own hands and he committed suicide. I knew my dad was getting older and his health was declining, although not to the point of death, but we never expected this. We are doing well as a family supporting each other. However, I don’t talk about it with others as I feel they don’t want to hear about it, how I am struggling. We all lose our parents and move on, type of feeling. Life is always throwing us curveballs and no one is prepared for what all they may encounter and yet, people want to portray the image that all is well.
We don't talk about our struggles. Playing sports, serving in the military, and a career in federal law enforcement. In none of those settings was talking about struggles encouraged or considered a positive career enhancer. I applaud you and believe we have to do so much better! Thanks Chris.
American culture is built on "the power of positive thinking" and individual responsibility. If one fails or struggles, it is presumably the individual's fault. There is a strong "novictims dictum" and no room for "blame the system" especially for males and, even more especially for white males these days. (I' ve written books and articles on that and, as a result, had some struggling of my own. One person I interviewed--a high school teacher--put it this way: "nobody likes a victim.") So we maintain a stiff upper lip. Men must act like John Wayne. No excuses permitted. Verges on Darwinism.
And I think it sells us short. Human experience is so much more varied than that. I just think it we can’t accept the times when things are less than great, it makes the great times that much less great!
Miss you on CNN, by the way. Would love to see you write about the many changes and seeming chaos there and elsewhere in journalism. Seems like they're in a panic to get younger and more diverse faces and stupidly shedding talented (middle-aged?) guys like you. (I've been "catching up" on past episodes of "Succession." Some pretty brutal layoff scenes there! I detect the influence of Frank Rich in the series.)
Thank you for that post about struggle, Chris. Your thoughts just sort of feel "deeply correct" to me. I am extremely fortunate to have been born to parents who validated my feelings and emotions as I was a kid (I was born in 1960), so I'm not so afraid of having emotions. (I realize that you wrote about struggle, not emotions, but I think your thought framework applies here, too). As a result, my wife and I raised our kids in an environment of (mostly) openness when we were frustrated with each other, so as to model that a) life is not perfect, and b) it's possible to disagree and still come to an understanding and still love each other. (We did, on the other hand, try to shield them from out and out yelling--thankfully not something we did often, anyway). Anyway, your post resonated with me, and I thank you for writing publicly about the idea.
Awesome about your parents! My parents were pretty great too but I still think there are some struggles you are just not ready for. Or at least I wasn’t ready for.
Sharing this with my daughter, a sophomore in college, who has advocated for mental health awareness and support for her peers since early high school. I think she'll appreciate your thoughts.
And as someone who was laid off 3 years ago, I was right there with you...much happier place now, but still, it's tough on anybody.
And I think it’s ok to say that it was and is tough! And that it’s hard to get through some days. I just feel like we are painting and overly rosy picture of our lives to each other!
Chris, thank you for sharing your life and struggles with us. I think (hope) you'll eventually discover getting laid off from CNN was a great blessing, albeit one no one would volunteer for. We've all benefitted from another blessing in your life; connecting with Tony Kornheiser. I'm not in contact with any of them but feel there is an army of Littles rooting for you and supporting you. I know I am.
Thoughtful, thought-provoking. Thank you. I think you have thread the needle really well with being honest that leaving CNN was hard, and jumping back in with the hard work to build a space and place that works for you and meets the needs of your audience (and fan base, if I may say so).
And your footnotes were sneak attack laughs. Thanks for that too.
I have been struggling with this concept in relation to my 7! grandsons for some time now. We still seem to push the narrative that we can attain ‘happiness’ even tho there are occasional struggles. Instead of ‘life is hard’ - that struggle is part of the process & allows us to grow. Each time we work through a problem, down time, upheaval, etc we grow & are better prepared to deal with the next struggle. And most importantly embrace & celebrate periods of ‘happiness’ because they don’t last forever.
Kathy, amen! I am working to see my struggles as part of a broader journey I am on in life -- and that struggles now will help me get closer to the kind of person I want to be.
We moved a lot when my children were growing up & I often felt bad that they didn’t have a home base like I had growing up. I asked them about this when they were older & both said - it was hard at times but it taught me to handle all kinds of situations & gave me confidence as an adult that I could handle difficult situations which really helped me in my career.
I was forced into early retirement from my corporate finance career in 2009. It still stings a bit, and I certainly felt like a horrible failure at the time (even though, as one of only two senior female executives, I had found myself badly at odds with my employer’s rather paternalistic culture). Now I use my finance expertise by serving on several nonprofit boards and enjoy not having to get up early on weekdays or spend a lot of time on crowded airplanes. But as someone who had always seen myself as high-achieving, it took a while for me to shake off that sense of failure. As for you, CNN’s loss is your Substack subscribers’ gain. And you’re setting a great example of resilience through struggle for your son.
Thank you so much, Laurie. I think lay offs are always a shock to the system. It certainly was for me.
And thanks for your kind words.
PS
Miss watching you on CNN.
Thanks very much. I miss being on too!
I'm SO GLAD you didn't "go dark", Chris. I was shocked when CNN let you go, but more than shocked, I was dismayed that I'd never read your columns, watch your videos, or read your political "take" on things, ever again. Now that you've resurfaced, I continue to read and enjoy your columns, your insight. Pleeze...don't stop now!
Thank you! I won’t!
Thank you for this column Chris about the common absence of discussion about adversity in our USA. It reminded me of this Wash Post op ed essay derived by David Von Drehle about his book of lessons that he learned from his neighbor who was over 100 years old when they met and lived to 109. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/05/22/david-von-drehle-book-excerpt-dr-charlie-white/ Adversity and how to overcome it should be a typical expectation. I struggle most with my now adult-children's lack of ambition and goals for their futures. How to start their engines is a mystery and a nagging fear for me. I became a self-starter -- BECAUSE -- my Dad was transferred and my family relocated when I was 14. I HATED that move from a place that I loved with close friends to a place that I hated hundreds of miles away from anyone that I knew. We'd moved when I was 7 from my hometown and the hometowns of my parents and grandparents. These involuntary moves started my engine of being bound and determined to do academically well in high school so that I'd have the ability to go to a college far away and decide my future for myself. I didn't/don't have that option to inflict upon my children. Good luck with your Substack and all future endeavors, including parenting.
Important subject, Chris, and much credit to you for bringing it up. Honesty with kids about the ups and downs in life is sooo important. Life is a roller coaster, good days and bad days are part of life. We grow through the tougher days. Open up with your kids, share your emotions, it also helps other in the same/ similar situation. Love your writing! 🥰
It really is! I just think we are so set on portraying our lives as perfect in every way that we don’t realize that we are teaching our kids it’s not ok to fail or to struggle.
When I was growing up, I took notes on all the failures my parents made . By the time I was a parent myself, that list became very short.
Chris, this is so true. My son is 30 and married, he has been teaching ME throughout the last few years. He has some mental health issues, having struggled with depression, anxiety, PTSD and has had suicidal ideations. Part of this was due to a job he had with the state, CPS investigator. At any rate, going through his therapy and having a very supportive wife, we have some deep conversations. No, he does not confide in most of his sessions, nor do we pry, it’s none of our business but we do listen to whatever information he does share. He is also 2 years sober, we are very proud of him. He has been learning that he should have people in his life where he can say “I am struggling”. I do think that so many people struggle and yet they keep it to themselves. They don’t want to share their burden, have people look at them in a negative way. We struggled with infertility for 10 years and once we finally opened up, we didn’t feel so alone. My 87 year old dad was starting to decline in health and he was adamant that he not go into assisted living, nursing home or have 24/7 care at home. He decided to take matters into his own hands and he committed suicide. I knew my dad was getting older and his health was declining, although not to the point of death, but we never expected this. We are doing well as a family supporting each other. However, I don’t talk about it with others as I feel they don’t want to hear about it, how I am struggling. We all lose our parents and move on, type of feeling. Life is always throwing us curveballs and no one is prepared for what all they may encounter and yet, people want to portray the image that all is well.
We don't talk about our struggles. Playing sports, serving in the military, and a career in federal law enforcement. In none of those settings was talking about struggles encouraged or considered a positive career enhancer. I applaud you and believe we have to do so much better! Thanks Chris.
Thank YOU. I appreciate you reading.
American culture is built on "the power of positive thinking" and individual responsibility. If one fails or struggles, it is presumably the individual's fault. There is a strong "novictims dictum" and no room for "blame the system" especially for males and, even more especially for white males these days. (I' ve written books and articles on that and, as a result, had some struggling of my own. One person I interviewed--a high school teacher--put it this way: "nobody likes a victim.") So we maintain a stiff upper lip. Men must act like John Wayne. No excuses permitted. Verges on Darwinism.
And I think it sells us short. Human experience is so much more varied than that. I just think it we can’t accept the times when things are less than great, it makes the great times that much less great!
Miss you on CNN, by the way. Would love to see you write about the many changes and seeming chaos there and elsewhere in journalism. Seems like they're in a panic to get younger and more diverse faces and stupidly shedding talented (middle-aged?) guys like you. (I've been "catching up" on past episodes of "Succession." Some pretty brutal layoff scenes there! I detect the influence of Frank Rich in the series.)
Thank you for that post about struggle, Chris. Your thoughts just sort of feel "deeply correct" to me. I am extremely fortunate to have been born to parents who validated my feelings and emotions as I was a kid (I was born in 1960), so I'm not so afraid of having emotions. (I realize that you wrote about struggle, not emotions, but I think your thought framework applies here, too). As a result, my wife and I raised our kids in an environment of (mostly) openness when we were frustrated with each other, so as to model that a) life is not perfect, and b) it's possible to disagree and still come to an understanding and still love each other. (We did, on the other hand, try to shield them from out and out yelling--thankfully not something we did often, anyway). Anyway, your post resonated with me, and I thank you for writing publicly about the idea.
Awesome about your parents! My parents were pretty great too but I still think there are some struggles you are just not ready for. Or at least I wasn’t ready for.
Sharing this with my daughter, a sophomore in college, who has advocated for mental health awareness and support for her peers since early high school. I think she'll appreciate your thoughts.
And as someone who was laid off 3 years ago, I was right there with you...much happier place now, but still, it's tough on anybody.
And I think it’s ok to say that it was and is tough! And that it’s hard to get through some days. I just feel like we are painting and overly rosy picture of our lives to each other!
Yep 100% we do.
Thank you for sharing this, Chris. As someone who got shockingly laid off in January, I can definitely identify with struggling.
Know that you are not alone. We are all going through stuff.
Chris, thank you for sharing your life and struggles with us. I think (hope) you'll eventually discover getting laid off from CNN was a great blessing, albeit one no one would volunteer for. We've all benefitted from another blessing in your life; connecting with Tony Kornheiser. I'm not in contact with any of them but feel there is an army of Littles rooting for you and supporting you. I know I am.
Bill thank you so much. I really feel supported which is really great.
I always have a smile when I see that you have written a column!! All of the people who subscribe do it because we like you. So there is THAT!!
That makes me feel great!
For those like me who just couldn't stand not knowing ...
Lefty O'Doul
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lefty_O%27Doul
Ha!
Thoughtful, thought-provoking. Thank you. I think you have thread the needle really well with being honest that leaving CNN was hard, and jumping back in with the hard work to build a space and place that works for you and meets the needs of your audience (and fan base, if I may say so).
And your footnotes were sneak attack laughs. Thanks for that too.
That’s my goal — a little analysis and a few laughs.
I have been struggling with this concept in relation to my 7! grandsons for some time now. We still seem to push the narrative that we can attain ‘happiness’ even tho there are occasional struggles. Instead of ‘life is hard’ - that struggle is part of the process & allows us to grow. Each time we work through a problem, down time, upheaval, etc we grow & are better prepared to deal with the next struggle. And most importantly embrace & celebrate periods of ‘happiness’ because they don’t last forever.
Kathy, amen! I am working to see my struggles as part of a broader journey I am on in life -- and that struggles now will help me get closer to the kind of person I want to be.
We moved a lot when my children were growing up & I often felt bad that they didn’t have a home base like I had growing up. I asked them about this when they were older & both said - it was hard at times but it taught me to handle all kinds of situations & gave me confidence as an adult that I could handle difficult situations which really helped me in my career.